Tv News Producer Gifts

'Has there ever been good news?'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Cut!

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

TV jester.

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

Applause

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"Downton Abbey Road"

Mary Tyler Moore: Spot the Difference

Somewhere in America... the day after "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" came to an end.

Senior Jeopardy!

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'I love this street...it's so real man...'

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

Police film evidence

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'