Television Producer Gifts

Somewhere in America... the day after "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" came to an end.

"Our top story: bloody conflict, secret meeting, auto recall, drive-by shooting, more staff cuts, medical breakthrough. We'll be back as soon as we decide."

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

"Kids! No watching Bobby Flay before Mommy cooks dinner!"

24 ? The Next Series. Jack says: 'Think I'll throw a sickie today.'

'Game shows were popular right from the start ? especially when the game won.'

Woman at Reality TV Productions Co. has in out boxes marked IN and IN OVER MY HEAD.

'It's a new reality show about a reality show producer...'

Celebrity Cowboy Builders - As exposed on TV.

Prizes Include: A New Car, A Maui Vacation And The Grim Reaper

"Bad news, good news, sweetheart - the court rejected your appeal, but the networks are fighting to option it."

AD 64: Another contestant is voted off Rome's top reality show.

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

Distancing with the Stars

'From the very beginning we felt that defeating the Big Bad Wolf would be meaningless unless we could parlay it into a book deal.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'We need to focus more on these kind of shows. This is our target audience.'

A movie director shouting through bullhorn.

'We want to assure viewers that no brain cells can be damaged during the transmission of this programme.'

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

"He likes it."

"Did you see neighhhhhh...bours last night?"

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

Barbara Windsor

"I hate these 'fly-on-the-wall' type documentaries...they're nothing like real life...!"

TV message reads 'Please stand by. We are experiencing technical difficulties.' as a TV satellite plummets to earth outside.

'Well excuse me, but if your chef's so great, why is he in the kitchen instead of a TV show?'

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."

'There's nothing wrong with your set - network management has decided to dumb down everthing.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

Inspector Norse

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

'Oh sure..! We do all the work and he gets all the commercial endorsements!'