Television Production Gifts

A movie director shouting through bullhorn.

Broom Operators Deserve Better

'It's a new reality show call 'Detoxing with the Stars'...'

"People, we're writing a reality show. Use some imagination!"

"I'm shopping my prison video around, but apparently if you don't shiv another inmate or become someone's bitch nobody's interested."

"Yes, but why do me want cookie?"

'The head of our script department!'

'Uh-oh! Looks like there's going to be a fight.'

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Showbiz Awards

"Davina McCall: Life at the Extreme takes a celebrity to the most extreme places on Earth!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Television Readers.

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

Horror movies

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"And this is our media room."