Tv Show Producer Gifts

"this week on, 'Celebrity Fear Factor,' contestants are threatened with total anonymity."

'They've gone overboard on this trend.'

James Gandolfini in his driveway with a tablet

Canned laughter

'How embarrassing. My parents are the only ones on the block who haven't aired their dirty laundry on a TV talk show.'

Long-running shows

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Showbiz Awards

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

University Soapflakes

Cut!

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Working in the Hazard Zone!

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

MacGyver's Cat: 'You see, I took your bed and two paper clips and made it my bed.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."