News Broadcaster Gifts

"The National Weather Service is warning these areas to brace for what could be a crippling amount of Instagrammed snow photos."

'This is strictly off the record...'

"Now over to the weather desk for a detailed report."

'Today civility broke out in a part of the world previously thought uncivilized...'

'Studies indicate that people who smoke crack run an increased chance of naming their child Johntay.'

'I'm a fiscal conservative, and a social liberal.' 'Unfortunately, he's also a moral anarchist.'

"U.S. Imports of foreign fuel are down, Putin's angry rhetoric is up, U.S. gas prices are up, Russian fuel exports are down. . ."

Bad News

"Click on your political views, and we'll slant the news accordingly."

'If only the media would go out of business!'

'All hell has broken loose. Details at 11.'

Saddam in 'Evil Doer' uniform.

'We have cloned another human...'

Traffic Copter Crash

TV screen - 'It's 10 p.m. Do you know where are TV news pundits are?'

Shock news! Bottle beer shares plummet, ever since Andy Fordham went to Fit Club!

"Be careful folks—The roads are wet and idiots are driving on them."

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

"Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers. Details at eleven."

Bulletin at Malibu

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Dialogue

Difference of Opinion

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."