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Squeezing the Free Press.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

First Novels.

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Gay Times...

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Letters escape from a caged book.

Sue the Author 3PM

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

Man Reading Laptop.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,