News Guru Gifts

'I'm all for recycling newspapers, but I don't go for this printing a new paper directly on top of the old one.'

Some days I just burst with pride being a journalist.

"Are you liking that program with no opinion, no slant, just news? . . . John?"

Showbiz Awards

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Create some buzz!

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

Robots In The Boardroom

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

The Modern Novel.

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

Succession 2

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

The Thinker. The Listener

Windows or Mac?

"It's a self-driving skateboard."

Crocodile Selfie

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

"A newspaper has a responsibility to ensure that its readers are fully informed."

Bush farewell.

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

'My market doesn't understand me.'

Overdose of election campaign ads on TV.

"Is that you talking or Wikipedia?"

'Don't be nervous but I think we're about to go LIVE on the new system.'

There's a real disconnect going on here.

Of course we're faster and more powerful now. I just think we commanded more respect when we filled an entire room.

"Yes, binary is really kicking in."

"I can't believe you made it past our bitch receptionist."