News Guru Pillows

'I'm all for recycling newspapers, but I don't go for this printing a new paper directly on top of the old one.'

Some days I just burst with pride being a journalist.

"Are you liking that program with no opinion, no slant, just news? . . . John?"

Showbiz Awards

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Create some buzz!

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

Succession 2

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Crocodile Selfie

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

Bush farewell.

"A newspaper has a responsibility to ensure that its readers are fully informed."

"It's a self-driving skateboard."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

'My market doesn't understand me.'

"Yes, binary is really kicking in."

There's a real disconnect going on here.

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

'Console 3GMEGA3D plus 3K+SUPERAUDIO USB 35,000.000 MGB...'

Overdose of election campaign ads on TV.

"I can't believe you made it past our bitch receptionist."

'Don't be nervous but I think we're about to go LIVE on the new system.'