Publishing Guru Gifts

Man milks a book.

'I think your book will be a huge success.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"National security adviser"

Create some buzz!

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Kirsten Johnson

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

The Thinker. The Listener

Books - Cartoon Collections: HumorGraphic NovelsBlasphemy.

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

'My market doesn't understand me.'

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"I can't believe you made it past our bitch receptionist."

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

There's a real disconnect going on here.

I'll put this in a way you'll understand: you need to transfer your feelings from savings to checking.

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...