Newlywed Jesters Gifts

"I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take this marriage full-throttle."

'He does.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

"I can't wait to introduce you to all the people I used to be friends with, before I started spending all my time with you."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"Maybe I'm not the best choice to ask if your silly wife cartoons are funny!"

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"Ok, I get it, you're happy and you know it. Now quit clapping."

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'Well if you wanted a garden shed made out of wood or brick, then you should have married one of my brothers!'

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

'You were right, Mum - he only wants me for one thing!'

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

'Just think, darling - tomorrow the cooking will be all mine and the dishes yours!'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'