Life-after-marriage Jester Gifts

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"This will be hilarious!"

'He does.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The prying mantis,

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"Am I through to the next round?"

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to put magic into our marriage...'

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

"How nice. A truffle."

"Sir,your wife is here for a cuddle."

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

"Look I've already said, I'm not going to bed with you on our first date"

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."