Marital Jesters Gifts

"I told you I'm not in the mood."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

'He does.'

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"This will be hilarious!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The prying mantis,

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"Am I through to the next round?"

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to put magic into our marriage...'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.