Marriage Jesters Gifts

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'I'm sorry, Ralph, but you're going to have to move out - Prissy's allergy to your dandruff is getting worse.'

"I now declare a thumb war."

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'... till death do you part?'

'It's great that you can laugh at yourself, but can you not do it in the middle of the night?'

'And for just a small amount, would you two be interested in signing up for our extended warranty?'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

'One is the videographer and the other is my lawyer.'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'So, did your marriage counseling work?', 'It sure did! -- She ran off with the marriage counselor!'

'You know I hate weddings - they remind me that I went through one!'

"Sorry, honey - did you say something?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

The prying mantis,

"This will be hilarious!"

'He does.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

"Am I through to the next round?"

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'