Newborn Doting Dad Gifts

"Train 'em young that's what I say."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"That's mine!"

Doughboy Dad

'We found you in a cabbage!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's yours?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Which one's mine?"

"It's a dependent!"

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Personal Assistants.

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."