New Dad Gifts

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"I know the baby is in here somewhere."

"It's a dependent!"

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

Why there are moms

"I've decided not tot become a father until later on in my fatherhood."

"You're tired? HELLO, what about me? I haven't slept since I was born!"

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

'Here comes the proud father, now!'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Congratulations! You're the proud father of 5 thousand squirming little maggots!"

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

'Which one is yours?'

Gotcha Dad!

'I need some tech support here!'

Dracula Visits Maternity Ward

I love Dada

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Have you ever heard the saying, 'Two heads are better than one'?"

"Which one's mine?"

"Castration is too good for 'm! I'm marryin' the SOB!"

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"That's mine!"

Baby Loser

'Typical new dad: the kid's still a maggot - barely able to squirm - but Dewey's already brought him a regulation size football.'

"Which one's yours?"

"He's got your legs."

"Is it just me. . . or does anyone else here have a fixation with breasts?"

"He looks just like his father."

"The mother is doing fine, but I'm afraid the baby looks like you."

'Which one's yours?'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

Overprotective Father