New Dads Gifts

"Right now I'm a stay-at-home dad, but when this baby comes I'm going back to work."

'Am I too late?'

"Geez. He's bald. No teeth. And craps in diapers."

'I have a craving for sour pickles again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

A young Don King

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Cry babies.

'Ahhh...'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

The Baby Walker

'I told you it would be useful.'

baby sweetcorn...

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Interior design trends for parents....

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!