New Dad Adventures Gifts

'Changing diapers isn't so bad, as long as you don't look down.'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Doughboy Dad

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"That's mine!"

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Which one's mine?"

"Which one's yours?"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"It's a dependent!"

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

The (literal) birth of Venus.

'Which one's yours?'