New Dad Ponderer Gifts

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

"That's mine!"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

Doughboy Dad

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's mine?"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"It's a dependent!"

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

Overprotective Father

Father changing nappy, "Heir freshener"

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

'Which one's yours?'

Newborns on cell phones

The (literal) birth of Venus.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."