New Dad Ponderer Gifts

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

Doughboy Dad

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"That's mine!"

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"Which one's yours?"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Which one's mine?"

"Which one's yours?"

"It's a dependent!"

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"It was a difficult delivery."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

Overprotective Father

Father changing nappy, "Heir freshener"

'Which one's yours?'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Newborns on cell phones

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"