New Parent Ponderer Gifts

"It's hard for me to tell if my father's having been in the delivery room when I was born is a real factor in my over-all sense of well-being."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

A young Don King

Cry babies.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

The Baby Walker

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Ahhh...'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

baby sweetcorn...

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Interior design trends for parents....

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'