New Teacher Gifts

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

The best advice I can give a new teacher is to listen to your students with your ears and heart

Teacher.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Being a teacher isn't easy."

A Puppet Named Juan

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Staff Yearbook

Math Teacher

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

'I'm not doing well in Chemistry - I'm out of my element.'

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"I'm Albert, your new mathematics teacher, but you can call me Al."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'It won't do you any good! You can't run from your math problems!'

"Mum, Mum, the teacher has included some especially tricky choreography just for me in the school musical..."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"The school year is officially over, and the teachers won."

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'Not without your helmet, you're not!'

Welcome to your new English Class.

"Sit and stay were no problem but she's hit a wall with multivariable calculus.'

"It's days like this that make me glad I became a teacher."

"What did you study in school today, Gracie?"

'Welcome to Geography.' 'Are we there yet?'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'If 'v' is the number of qualified physics teachers, and 'c' is the number of unqualified science teachers, this factor reduces to zero.'