New Teaching Job Gifts

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'No response, We'll have to use the corporate logo flashcards again,'

Ms. Hudson had noticed a sharp decline in misbehavior ever since the rear-view mirrors were installed.

"I think I'm making progress. One of them asked a follow-up question today."

Pursuing Success

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"For someone who`s supposed to know all the answers, he asks a lot of questions."

"Good morning, children. My name is Miss Applegate. One false move and I'll kill you."

'Mr. Pilbeam will be your new elite geography teacher this term.'

Teacher: 'Being a math teacher, I can't ask my students to give 110%.'

Is it just me, or are teachers getting younger?

The Best English Teacher in the World.

"A school's purpose is to excite, engage and stimulate its students' minds...or so I'm told."

"And that's the day we said goodbye to the No Child Left Behind legislation and were free to teach again."

"My teaching skills have improved because their dogs are eating less homework."

A Puppet Named Juan

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Welcome to the Team

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

Staff Yearbook

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'If 'v' is the number of qualified physics teachers, and 'c' is the number of unqualified science teachers, this factor reduces to zero.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

"The STEM program has many advantages: you can invent stuff, you can use great equipment...but let's talk about the great cafeteria food."