New Job In Education Gifts

Shark to fish about school of fish: 'School of choice.'

"A culture of collaboration does not mean you can copy somebody else's answers."

'If 'v' is the number of qualified physics teachers, and 'c' is the number of unqualified science teachers, this factor reduces to zero.'

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

A Puppet Named Juan

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Staff Yearbook

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

'Since we downsized the board of directors profits are up 300 percent.'

'I'm grooming you for this position and giving you a makeover.'

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

"The STEM program has many advantages: you can invent stuff, you can use great equipment...but let's talk about the great cafeteria food."

Startling!

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

Smirking or Non-smirking

"I think I'm making progress. One of them asked a follow-up question today."

"I circulate around the classroom to make sure the class runs smoothly. I need a pair of comfortable walking shoes."

The Ideal Teacher.

'Of course you're all for animal testing. You always get straight A's.'

'I'm giving you a bigger desk, so you can take more of my work.'

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

The Best English Teacher in the World.

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

Obsolete: Any piece of software or hardware that your school brought last year for mega bucks.

Teacher with work box: 'You could do better work.'