New Teaching Position Gifts

Error! Lesson Plan has no Aim!

Obsolete: Any piece of software or hardware that your school brought last year for mega bucks.

A Puppet Named Juan

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Welcome to the Team

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Staff Yearbook

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"He's got great leadership skills. Wherever he's taking us, it's got to be better than where we've been."

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'Don't be nervous but I think we're about to go LIVE on the new system.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'If 'v' is the number of qualified physics teachers, and 'c' is the number of unqualified science teachers, this factor reduces to zero.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

"I need to take a call. Argue amongst yourselves."

"The STEM program has many advantages: you can invent stuff, you can use great equipment...but let's talk about the great cafeteria food."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

Multiplication. This "multiplication table" thing, has it been peer reviewed?

Smirking or Non-smirking