Newly Qualified Teacher Gifts

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

A Puppet Named Juan

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

Welcome to the Team

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Staff Yearbook

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

'If 'v' is the number of qualified physics teachers, and 'c' is the number of unqualified science teachers, this factor reduces to zero.'

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"The STEM program has many advantages: you can invent stuff, you can use great equipment...but let's talk about the great cafeteria food."

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

"I'm referring you to another therapy dog."

"Memorizing the multiplication table is NOT brainwashing!"

Smirking or Non-smirking

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

First addition, then subtraction, then multiplication, and now this! Where is it all going to end?"

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

"I think I'm making progress. One of them asked a follow-up question today."

The Ideal Teacher.

"I circulate around the classroom to make sure the class runs smoothly. I need a pair of comfortable walking shoes."

'Could I see you after class?'

"That's the problem today. Everyone expects the same old standardized answers."

The Best English Teacher in the World.

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'