First Year Teaching Gifts

First addition, then subtraction, then multiplication, and now this! Where is it all going to end?"

'My advice to a first year teacher is to teach from the heart, not only from the book.'

"I figured by not doing my homework I'd lighten your workload by giving you one less paper to correct."

A Puppet Named Juan

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Staff Yearbook

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'He's going to college, but he doesn't have an exit strategy.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

Smirking or Non-smirking

"I think I'm making progress. One of them asked a follow-up question today."

"I circulate around the classroom to make sure the class runs smoothly. I need a pair of comfortable walking shoes."

The Ideal Teacher.

'Could I see you after class?'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

'Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.'

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."