Starting Teaching Career Gifts

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

'Could I see you after class?'

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

'I don't compare students nearly as much as Mrs. Wynn does.'

"Was it a large class? By the time the teacher called the roll, the class was over."

A Puppet Named Juan

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

'What's play?'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Staff Yearbook

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

"The STEM program has many advantages: you can invent stuff, you can use great equipment...but let's talk about the great cafeteria food."

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

Multiplication. This "multiplication table" thing, has it been peer reviewed?

"Memorizing the multiplication table is NOT brainwashing!"

Smirking or Non-smirking

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'