Starting A Teaching Career Gifts

'I look forward to my first year as a teacher. I wrote lesson plans, attended in-service workshops, and decorated my classroom. Preparation is half the victory. It's the other half that scares me.'

To student teacher: 'First off, always identify and corral the ring leader...'

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

A Puppet Named Juan

We must stand up..against incompetence

"I'm here on a grant."

"I want you students to question all things, except me!"

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

Language: Beyond Instant Messaging

'I think it needs more punctuation.'

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

'Report cards, folks - and they have to be signed by your high school chemistry teachers.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'What's play?'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Staff Yearbook

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"Son, one day two hundred square feet of this city could be yours to rent."

'We offer full benefits. A desk, a chair and your very own cubicle.'

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

PERSONNEL, 'Do we have a health plan? Why -- Don't you feel well?'