Starting A Teaching Career Pillows

'I look forward to my first year as a teacher. I wrote lesson plans, attended in-service workshops, and decorated my classroom. Preparation is half the victory. It's the other half that scares me.'

To student teacher: 'First off, always identify and corral the ring leader...'

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

A Puppet Named Juan

We must stand up..against incompetence

"Now try solving for 'Y", girls, and good luck with that."

"I'm here on a grant."

"I want you students to question all things, except me!"

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

Language: Beyond Instant Messaging

'I think it needs more punctuation.'

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

'Report cards, folks - and they have to be signed by your high school chemistry teachers.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

Anatomy 101. No the "artery" does not have little paintings on it!

Grammar. I really wasn't trying to be a wise guy. The teacher asked if anybody could give an example of a conditional phrase, and I said "If you pay me." (Published originally on Nov. 6, 2014.)

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'What's play?'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Staff Yearbook

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"Can you hurry up with the cake? I have to travel the world, have a career and start a family"

"Son, one day two hundred square feet of this city could be yours to rent."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'We offer full benefits. A desk, a chair and your very own cubicle.'

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'