First Year Teaching Pillows

First addition, then subtraction, then multiplication, and now this! Where is it all going to end?"

'My advice to a first year teacher is to teach from the heart, not only from the book.'

"I figured by not doing my homework I'd lighten your workload by giving you one less paper to correct."

A Puppet Named Juan

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

'What begins with 'E'? Well, 'Everything'!'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Staff Yearbook

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

'He's going to college, but he doesn't have an exit strategy.'

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'The trouble with education is everyone knows how to teach, but nobody knows how to learn.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

Multiplication. This "multiplication table" thing, has it been peer reviewed?

Smirking or Non-smirking

"I think I'm making progress. One of them asked a follow-up question today."

"I circulate around the classroom to make sure the class runs smoothly. I need a pair of comfortable walking shoes."

The Ideal Teacher.

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that Professor Crenshaw finally traded in his slide rule for a calculator.'

'Could I see you after class?'