Neighborhood Humorists Gifts

'How very Blackheath!'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

As Jeff entered the remote country pub, he realised the locals were in-bred.

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

Robinia Floribunda

"It's been a rainy winter."

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

Cook complaining to milkman

"I told you everyone was moving out of the city!"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

Jingle Bell Rock // Silent Night

'I just remembered something! We forgot to put 'open bar' on the invitations!'

"It gets a lot of refracted light."

Laugh and the World Laughs with You, but Not on the I.R.T.

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

Never use an electric can opener if you live next door to a cat lady.

'Damn! Sex and the City is not on tonight.' 'Does that mean no sex in the suburbs tonight either?'