Neighborhood Watch Humorist Gifts

'The Henshaws seem so easy going...why don't we sue them?'

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

"It's been a rainy winter."

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

Robinia Floribunda

Beware of Curmudgeon!

"I'm Bob and this is my wife, Sue. Don't even think about trying to get past us."

'It's the fellow in 9B.'

Never use an electric can opener if you live next door to a cat lady.

'I just remembered something! We forgot to put 'open bar' on the invitations!'

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

'How very Blackheath!'

'I'll bet you I can make the neighbor look over the fence and yell, 'shut up, you stupid mutt'!'

Dog Work Ethics

'The neighbors don't care how you commute, but they're beginning to complain about the noise.'

The maintaining different types of fence.

Make the Neighborhood Great Again - Pick Up Your Poop! - Clean Yards Matter!

"Strange!. . . . Other high schools get besieged by headhunters."

"They must be out...'Neighbours' is on the television!"

'Oh don't worry about George, he's just got worms.'

Flea in the ear

A friendly neighbour helps man to escape discovery by an angry husband.

"In the middle of the night, I could see a guy trying to steal the neighbour's car, so I barked, but the neighbour yelled at me to shut up, so I did. . ."

'Oh great. The Jones replaced their bird bath with a hot tub.'

'Really? He has his father's nose?... Is his father Cyrano De Bergerac?'

'Nosey Parker in operation - Neighbourhood watch in operation.'

'Even tho' he now lives in a ritz, upscale neighborhood, he hasn't changed a bit!'

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house and Phillip wouldn't stop bugging me for a new trampoline, so...'

"How sad! They don't appear to have any gardening equipment for me to borrow!"