Neighborly Humorist Gifts

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

Turtle Trailer Court

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

'He's training for a career in law.'

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

"It's been a rainy winter."

Robinia Floribunda

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

Jingle Bell Rock // Silent Night

Never use an electric can opener if you live next door to a cat lady.

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

'How very Blackheath!'

'I just remembered something! We forgot to put 'open bar' on the invitations!'

'Damn! Sex and the City is not on tonight.' 'Does that mean no sex in the suburbs tonight either?'

'I'll bet you I can make the neighbor look over the fence and yell, 'shut up, you stupid mutt'!'

Dog Work Ethics

'The neighbors don't care how you commute, but they're beginning to complain about the noise.'

Cull people who clear leaves or snow from their sidewalk by shoving it onto their neighbor's.

Flea in the ear

A friendly neighbour helps man to escape discovery by an angry husband.

"They must be out...'Neighbours' is on the television!"

'Oh don't worry about George, he's just got worms.'

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'

It's a nice neighborhood, but the turnover rate's high.

Sign reads: 'Kisses ?5.00'

'Oh great. The Jones replaced their bird bath with a hot tub.'