Neighborly Humorist Gifts

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

'He's training for a career in law.'

Robinia Floribunda

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"It's been a rainy winter."

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

Jingle Bell Rock // Silent Night

'How very Blackheath!'

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

'Damn! Sex and the City is not on tonight.' 'Does that mean no sex in the suburbs tonight either?'

Dog Work Ethics

'I'll bet you I can make the neighbor look over the fence and yell, 'shut up, you stupid mutt'!'

'The neighbors don't care how you commute, but they're beginning to complain about the noise.'

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'

'Oh don't worry about George, he's just got worms.'

"They must be out...'Neighbours' is on the television!"

A friendly neighbour helps man to escape discovery by an angry husband.

Flea in the ear

Cull people who clear leaves or snow from their sidewalk by shoving it onto their neighbor's.

Sign reads: 'Kisses ?5.00'

'Oh great. The Jones replaced their bird bath with a hot tub.'

'Really? He has his father's nose?... Is his father Cyrano De Bergerac?'