Humorist Neighbor Gifts

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

'He's training for a career in law.'

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

Robinia Floribunda

"It's been a rainy winter."

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

The lessor of two evils.

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

'Not 'til you make it stop yappin'!'

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'

Jingle Bell Rock // Silent Night

'So what's all this I hear about you installing an interesting water feature in your garden?'

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

'How very Blackheath!'

"Were you aware you'll need to sign over your wife & kids as collateral in order to secure this property?"