Humorist Neighbor Gifts

'I just remembered something! We forgot to put 'open bar' on the invitations!'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

It looks like wood, but it's actually vinyl siding.

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

'He's training for a career in law.'

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

The lessor of two evils.

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

"It's been a rainy winter."

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

Robinia Floribunda

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

'Not 'til you make it stop yappin'!'

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

"O.K., O.K., let's take the F.D.R."

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'So what's all this I hear about you installing an interesting water feature in your garden?'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

Jingle Bell Rock // Silent Night

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'

"Were you aware you'll need to sign over your wife & kids as collateral in order to secure this property?"

Where did birds rest before utility wires?

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

Never use an electric can opener if you live next door to a cat lady.