Neighborly Humor Gifts

Never use an electric can opener if you live next door to a cat lady.

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

'Neighbors...friends...artists models.'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

'He's training for a career in law.'

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

'Uh oh. Wax moths! There goes the neighborhood.'

Robinia Floribunda

"Regular, grande, or lemon latte?"

"It's been a rainy winter."

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

Beware of Curmudgeon!

Jingle Bell Rock // Silent Night

'How very Blackheath!'

'I just remembered something! We forgot to put 'open bar' on the invitations!'

"Smoke signals from my neighbor's grill. He's asking if he can borrow some ice."

'The neighbors don't care how you commute, but they're beginning to complain about the noise.'

'I'll bet you I can make the neighbor look over the fence and yell, 'shut up, you stupid mutt'!'

Dog Work Ethics

"Strange!. . . . Other high schools get besieged by headhunters."

'...and why shouldn't she be sleeping with your next door neighbour - she's my wife!'

A friendly neighbour helps man to escape discovery by an angry husband.

'Can we put our hands together for a warm Kettlesong Village Hall welcome to Mr Grimby and what should be a riveting talk about the Ice Age.'

Flea in the ear

"They must be out...'Neighbours' is on the television!"

'Oh don't worry about George, he's just got worms.'

Cull people who clear leaves or snow from their sidewalk by shoving it onto their neighbor's.

'Really? He has his father's nose?... Is his father Cyrano De Bergerac?'

'Doreen's been all over me to paint the house and Phillip wouldn't stop bugging me for a new trampoline, so...'

"Just a heads up, Jack – I've invited the Navy to use my back yard for bombing practice."

"Son-of-a-birch!"

"The neighbor's dog just made a deposit in our yard. We're going over there to give him his interest."

'She used to be gagging for it-now she just wants gagging!'

'Even tho' he now lives in a ritz, upscale neighborhood, he hasn't changed a bit!'