Humorist Neighbors Gifts

Cull people who clear leaves or snow from their sidewalk by shoving it onto their neighbor's.

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

The First Fire Stick

Alien embryo growing in earth.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"She's a miniature."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Giant Monster in Bath

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"He looks just like your husband."

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

Why Superman flies himself

Photobooth Photobomb

"Neversource"

'Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

'It's been murder since it was announced that eyes of newt might be a cancer cure.'