Nautical Gifts

The Private Doubts of Christopher Columbus.

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Pessimists saw a ship sinking. Optimists saw that they needn't worry about the Norovirus.

'The employment agency said you were looking for someone to do light housekeeping.'

'I need to buy some gas, but I forgot my wallet. Do you have $18,000 on you?'

"There's nothing wrong with the ship. We just got a better offer."

The Mayflower "Contents May Settle."

"I know your rations include two limes a day, but please don't do that with them."

"I removed the carpeting and lo and behold, hardwood!"

"Take him back to the boat. He can still hold a winch handle."

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'Hold it, there! Prepare to be boarded.'

"Well there's nothing in the Navy Regulations that says we can't..."

Small boat pulling up a ship's anchor.

'Caution wet deck'

"We haven't left port yet you dozy old duffer!"

'1805 - aboard HMS. Victory - Captain Hardy falls for the old "no tongues" promise.

Pirate with hook confronts pirate with swiss army knife hand.

"The sharks around here like spices on their food."

Sailing

'Now I know this is a long journey, and we're all gonna get hungry, but, and I can't stress this enough, you gotta remember to eat from the top down.'

Titanic has sign that reads 'How's my driving?'

"I got a swiss army hook!"

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

"I don't need to see that... Any port in a storm will do."

Pirate school.

Boat hits rocks because of dim glow from low-energy lighthouse

Bottle Battle

The Midshipman is boarded by the enemy

Rob The Grinder reading with Captain Cuttle

Seasick passengers being asked to tip the steward

Old boatmen impressing children with made up stories about having been a smuggler

"Back the main sheet and brace the futtocks - whatever that means."

"I forget who, but he's somebody's kid."

Moustached gentleman