Nature Fixer Gifts

Raking Leaves.

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'

Handy-lion

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

Getting ready for spring

Cyber disease.

'A bit extravagant don't you think you think?'

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

"Have you tried switching it off and switching it back on again - or pretending there's absolutely nothing wrong with it?"

"Tell Santa that Rudolph's check engine light is on."

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

Unblocking the Fountain of Hope.

'This injection is a combination of 16 drugs...

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

Hospital. Emergency. Closed. I'm bleeding and the E.R. is closed, What should I do? Just go home? Suture self!

'It's our last resort.'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

"That's really great , but what do you do if you want to remove the nail?"

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

Stitches.