Nature Absurdist Gifts

The very rare and elusive Eskimo turtle.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Crab with a clown face.

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Nonsense Poem

"Nihilistic customer service"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

I want to be a lawn!

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

Post Post

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

'We try to only make bad loans to good people.'

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"I'll be back in an hour—do not play with the weapons."

"I can't wait to post this."

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'Now that's what I call an overactive thyroid.'

The End is Near. Have A Cone.