Literary Absurdist Gifts

'Only caudate moas are pukka.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Nonsense Poem

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

I want to be a lawn!

No Double Parking

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

That's It

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'We try to only make bad loans to good people.'

"I can't wait to post this."

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

'Now that's what I call an overactive thyroid.'

"This isn't a donor heart. It's a tuna on rye."

G.K. Chesterton.

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

"It's good luck."

Performance Artist, Performance Spectator

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

"If we pull this off, we've made burglary history!"