Comic Absurdist Gifts

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

Boomerang cow.

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

Franz Kafka

Eugene Ionesco

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

No Double Parking

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

That's It

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

The sudden extinction of Neanderclowns

"Sorry, Jeff. This just isn't working as I'd hoped."

'We try to only make bad loans to good people.'

"I'm used to embellished resumes, but claiming you can herd cats is a bit far fetched..."

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."