Absurdist Gifts

And could you separate my hands...I accidentally super-glued them together...

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"What am I doing here and why am I sat on a giant stick of butter?"

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

Man taking his head for a walk.

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

'We try to only make bad loans to good people.'

"Our last exterminator wasn't worth jack."

Diving Fish

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

Suddenly, I have a strange craving for eggs.

"Why Hello!"

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

"You're in luck! The virus is going to wipe out everybody except you and Donald Trump."

"It's good luck."

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

'Let's see...souls, causes, morals, no, still no eyeglasses.'

Barcode Dreams

Crab with a clown face.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Nonsense Poem

"Nihilistic customer service"

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

'Not as easy as it looks?"

"I can't wait to post this."