Absurdist Enthusiast Gifts

'And now the other leg!'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Tourists and their Pets.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Glance Exchange

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Valet park only"

"Who's next?"

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

One way only.

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"It's my helper trout!"

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."