Absurdist Aficionado Gifts

"The first rule of Musical Chairs Club is. . . you have to get out of your chairs!"

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

Tourists and their Pets.

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Who's next?"

"Valet park only"

One way only.

"It's my helper trout!"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

"I like fountains very much!"

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'You need some stress.'

"At first, Dwayne's gymnastic prowess had mesmerized Sarah, but now she longed for more..."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.