Absurd Comedy Gifts

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

Pastry Hat

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Monster Clown

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."

Chick Billiard Ball

"Sorry, Jeff. This just isn't working as I'd hoped."

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

One afternoon on mars.

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

The Old Man and the Noodle.

'General, You look pale this morning...' - 'I had a nightmare Admiral! I dreamed the war began!'

"He wants to know if you can move your seat up."

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

"Gregor, you idiot… leftover Applebee's in bed."

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

Bizarre sights.