Absurdist Storyteller Gifts

"Are you OK, you look a bit flushed."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Crab with a clown face.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"#notguilty."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

Evolution Of The Jet Ski

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'I can't say I like your cavalier attitude Benson.'

"That script of yours - I've never read such a load of cliched second-rate crap...It'll make us rich..."

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

Crashed Aliens - "Miss Fortnum, come in here immediately..and bring the first aid kit."

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

Oliver Twist As Re-imagined in the Modern Boardroom.

"It's true. God appeared to Trump in a dream and told him to run for president."

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Executioner forgetting his glasses.