Narrative Ninja Gifts

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

'I've decided to narrate my own like in the third person today', he said - 'Oh, God. Not this again', she uttered plaintively. - 'Shut. Up.', she bellowed threatiningly at the fleeing man.

In the screenwriters guild, Secretary is the most coveted position.

"Better than Chekhov"

"Your book is a masterpiece, but, unfortunately, we're rather picky."

"…the slender fox padded on silent feet across the pine needles, his moonshadow flickering across the tree trunks, while …. cocka-doodle-doo???!!!"

"We're looking for fresh, exciting, independent voices which are very similar to those of our existing bestsellers."

'Of course, there'll only ever be a market for seven original stories.'

Information War

Book Thief in True Crime Department

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Domestic Superheroes!!

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

That party went well.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"We value your input, but all your suggestions involve more play-time, naps and treats."

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

Best Seller

'Race you to the nearest lap?'

Freedom of the press

'Pretty please stay asleep till the morning,'

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"The air bag sensed he was going to sleep. I love technology."

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"We need a better piling system."

"We supply the exercise and nutrition program, but it's up to you to supply the narcissism."

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."