Editorial Ninja Gifts

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Best Seller

Freedom of the press

Mega Cosmic Films. It's about a squad of ninja nuns? Yes, we call it "Force of Habit"!

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'We appreciate your back of the envelope calculation, Mike. Now put a stamp on the front and send it to somebody who cares.'

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

NeighWoof.

Book Thief in True Crime Department

"Is this something that could hold till Monday, Chris?"

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

The World's best Camouflage Store.

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"You tend to overuse the exclamation point."

"Mr. Kennings was going to interview you for the job, until he heard you actually wanted to get paid."

"Better than Chekhov"

"It's a stealth suit. So I can stay off the boss's radar."

Work Du Soleil

"I've got three michelin stars, two for cookery and one for turning up to the interview!"

"Republican striptease"

"So why do you feel that you're a better person for the job than every other candidate who's shown me résumés with the exact same credentials?"

"Your book is a masterpiece, but, unfortunately, we're rather picky."

'This resume looks familiar. Were we once married to each other?'

NBS NEWS, 'Take this editoria, Miss Whimby, and disguise it as a news story.'

"A ninja is silent as darkness, so-tippy-toes, people, tippy-toes!"

Be the grass...

Service. Diagnostic Testing. It looks like your odometer computer hacked into your fuel injector computer.

Because bubble wrap made it hard to sneak up on their targets, ninjas eventually switched to their familiar black outfits.