Editorial Ninja Pillows

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Best Seller

Freedom of the press

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'We appreciate your back of the envelope calculation, Mike. Now put a stamp on the front and send it to somebody who cares.'

"Is this something that could hold till Monday, Chris?"

Book Thief in True Crime Department

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

NeighWoof.

'Send in the next applicant Ms Jones.'

"I'll have my article pulled together in no time."

"Building a ninja-attracting business culture is easy. Keeping them focused on equity-based financial analysis? Not so easy."

The World's best Camouflage Store.

"This position requires someone with a thick skin... Well, do you think you're up to the job, big nose?"

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

'This test will determinbe which of you gets the position. Who wants to jump first?'

"You tend to overuse the exclamation point."

"Mr. Kennings was going to interview you for the job, until he heard you actually wanted to get paid."

Work Du Soleil

"It's a stealth suit. So I can stay off the boss's radar."

"Better than Chekhov"

"Republican striptease"

"I've got three michelin stars, two for cookery and one for turning up to the interview!"

Be the grass...

"We're looking for fresh, exciting, independent voices which are very similar to those of our existing bestsellers."

"How can I think outside the box when you keep filling my inbox."

"Your book is a masterpiece, but, unfortunately, we're rather picky."

Because bubble wrap made it hard to sneak up on their targets, ninjas eventually switched to their familiar black outfits.

'This resume looks familiar. Were we once married to each other?'

'I wouldn't do that if I were you, mister. This saloon is made entirely of ninjas.'

"So why do you feel that you're a better person for the job than every other candidate who's shown me résumés with the exact same credentials?"

"A ninja is silent as darkness, so-tippy-toes, people, tippy-toes!"