Mystic Humorists Gifts

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.

"Here we are."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

Game time.

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

'..and one for the pot.'

Arresting Adam and Eve

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'Sometimes I scare myself when I realize that I always was and always will be.'

First attempt at the Big Bang

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

You will go on a trip.

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

"Snake eyes again!"

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

Man asking lady if she cares for him

"Would it kill you to put on something nice when I summon you from the dead?"

Wrong Address

Medusa turning everyone in the 'Hard Rock caf�' into rock

'Don't be daft,woman-of course I'm not gonna FRY her!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

"It's Him. he wants us to lay off until the Fruit Board has published this year's crop results."

Madam Mae: Fortune teller - Fortune 500.

'Madam Zelda sees all'

'Why don't we wear business suits and call ourselves marketing executives? We could make a lot more money.'

"Don't be so chintzy with the life line!"

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

"No Officer, but they will all make lovely trouser belts, shoes, or handbags."

I hate when he does that.

"Madam Zelda passed to the other side last week. Would you want me to get a message to her?"

"Oh, awkward - my ex. . ."