Mystic Humor Gifts

'I predict you're going to ask me, "What's up with my crystal ball?" It was on sale.'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Game time.

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'You see me coming here every week and paying you fifty dollars...'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'..and one for the pot.'

Arresting Adam and Eve

First attempt at the Big Bang

You will go on a trip.

"And now for the 'piece de resistance!'"

'You will go 3 for 5 tomorrow.'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

"All I'm saying is, why do we always have to sit on just one side of the table, all bunched up?"

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"Snake eyes again!"

Man asking lady if she cares for him

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

Exam Questions Foretold

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

"It's Him. he wants us to lay off until the Fruit Board has published this year's crop results."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Excalibur.

'Don't be daft,woman-of course I'm not gonna FRY her!'

See, what did I tell you? Next year, bring me your office pool bracket earlier.

Medusa turning everyone in the 'Hard Rock caf�' into rock

Madam Mae: Fortune teller - Fortune 500.

"Would it kill you to put on something nice when I summon you from the dead?"

'Madam Zelda sees all'

Wrong Address

'Why don't we wear business suits and call ourselves marketing executives? We could make a lot more money.'

"Don't be so chintzy with the life line!"

Doctor using a crystal ball to diagnose patient,

"Madam Zelda passed to the other side last week. Would you want me to get a message to her?"

"No Officer, but they will all make lovely trouser belts, shoes, or handbags."

"Oh, awkward - my ex. . ."